November 26–28, 2010 - Kripalu, Lenox, MA
Many people spend years waiting for a “soul mate” to complete them. Others settle for unfulfilling relationships out of fear of being alone. This life-changing workshop lifts the social stigma of aloneness and provides a groundbreaking roadmap for gaining mastery of your own life so you can achieve a sense of wholeness and well-being on your own or in a relationship. In this powerful weekend with bestselling author, coach, and psychotherapist, Lauren Mackler, you will learn how to:
Uncover the hidden roots of fear, low self-esteem, and self-sabotaging behaviors
Become whole and complete on your own
Build a loving, respectful, and caring relationship with yourself
Develop a strong inner and outer support system
Clarify your life vision and strategies to achieve it.
Rather than expecting someone else to complete you, learn how to become the partner you seek—your own cherished solemate! For people who are single, divorced, or seeking greater independence within their partnership. For more information or to register, click here.
MANY PEOPLE DREAM OF CHANGING THEIR LIVES, but remain stuck in their status quo. They may tell themselves their goals are unrealistic, or tolerate dissatisfying situations because they feel undeserving of anything better. Each of us is born with tremendous potential, but it becomes buried beneath self-defeating beliefs and behaviors rooted in childhood, that we keep perpetuating in our adult lives.
Living boldly means living a life in which your innate potential is liberated, and you’re free to realize your greatest dreams. Instead of being trapped in a life full of excuses and frustration, you’re actively creating a life that you love…To read the entire articleclick here.
There are many seminars, books, and articles about how to be an effective leader. But what is often missing from these resources is how to strategically shape and manage relationships with superiors. As a result, many people harbor feelings of stress, overwhelm, frustration, or resentment toward their boss, but keep them hidden for fear of reprisal. Over time, their motivation and performance diminish, putting their job at risk.
Below are some practical strategies for building a mutually productive and respectful relationship with your boss, managing expectations and workloads, and positioning yourself as an exceptional leader within your organization.
Understand your boss's work style and preferences. Is your boss formal or informal? Does he like to be briefed in writing before meetings or prefer to brainstorm issues with you? Is your supervisor a hands-on manager who likes to be consulted about issues as they arise, or will regular and informal updates make your boss think you aren't taking the lead in performing your managerial role? While you might think your manager would be pleased that you keep her in the loop, his work style may value a manager who acts more autonomously. Pay attention to the differences in your work style and your boss's style. Where possible, make adjustments to be consistent in style, eliminating unnecessary annoyances that can build into real miscommunications.
Know what matters to your boss. If your boss is a numbers person, quantify your results. And know which numbers matter most to her. If your boss is a customer-is-first kind of person, frame all your results in terms of benefits to customers.
Communicate like your boss. If your boss likes daily e-mails, send them. If your boss wants a once-a-week summary, then do that. Convey information to your boss in the way she likes, so she’s more likely to retain it. Be aware of detail preferences. Some people like a lot and some people like less. A good way to figure out what your boss wants is to watch how she communicates with you. She’s probably doing it the way she likes best.
Plan and organize your meetings to optimize your time together. Keep a running list of follow up and action items to discuss with your boss.
Learn to say no. Say yes to the things that matter most to your boss. So when he asks you to do something that you don’t have time to do, ask your boss about his priorities. Let him know that you want to make sure you finish what is most important, and this will probably mean saying no to the lesser projects.
Toot your own horn. Each time you do something that impacts the company, let your boss know. Leave a voicemail announcing a project has been completed. Send a congratulation e-mail to your team and copy your boss, which not only draws attention to your project success, but also to your leadership skills. Send a monthly overview of your completions and accomplishments, retaining an electronic file to use for performance review time.
Build a relationship with your boss. If all things are equal, your boss will cater to the person she likes the best. So go out to lunch and talk about what interests her. Connect with her by asking her for advice on something about work. If you are very different than your boss, work hard to find common ground in your conversations.
Seek new responsibilities. Find important holes in your department before your boss notices them. Take responsibility for filling those holes and your boss will appreciate not only your foresight, but also your ability to take initiative.
Be curious. Remember to make time to listen and ask good questions. You will make yourself more interesting to be around, and you will elicit fresh ideas from everyone around you. Your boss will feel like having you on the team improves everyone’s work, even his own, and that, after all, is your primary job in managing up.
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE, BLOG, OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete statement at the end of the article:
Lauren Mackler is a coach, keynote speaker, and training facilitator. She’s the author of the international bestseller, Solemate, and co-author of Speaking of Success with Jack Canfield and Stephen Covey. For info about her coaching services or training programs, contact her through her web site at www.laurenmackler.com.
“I had the pleasure to be on Lauren Mackler's Life Keys radio show(every Thursday 1-2pm EST) on HayHouseRadio.com. What a delight Lauren is. Smart, insightful, real, and full of excellent advice. Lauren is the author of the international bestseller, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life. The book is a real page-turner. Lauren's life story is riveting . . . from the magic of marrying a handsome young physician and moving overseas to recognizing that she'd lost herself in the needs of another. She came back to the States broke, dispirited, and with two kids to support. Lauren recovered from depression and became a celebrated therapist, author, and coach. She provides warm and wise advice about the core issues that prevent us from being happy and at home in our own skin. She's the real deal and I think you'll really enjoy her book.”
Teleseminar with renowned coach & bestselling author Lauren Mackler!Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life
12-Session Teleseminar with Lauren Mackler
January 14-December 9, 2010
Format: Live Teleseminar
Regular Price: $240
Discounted Price: $199
If you purchase the program after the January 14, 2010 start date, you will receive access to previous sessions, following the purchase of the complete program.
Monthly Giveaway: Your name will also be placed in the virtual hat for a chance to receive one of the monthly gifts being offered by Lauren during this year-long program.
Are you ready to join renowned coach and bestselling author Lauren Mackler to achieve greater self-mastery and well-being? To find out, notice how many “yes” answers you have to the following statements:
___ I want to make changes in my life, but I don’t know where to begin.
___ I’m unable to move beyond my fears to pursue the life I dream of.
___ I feel dissatisfied with myself and my life.
___ I have difficulty following through on the goals I set for myself.
___ I often say or do things to get others’ approval.
___ I tend to make others’ needs more important than my own.
___ I’m settling for less than my heart’s desire.
___ I often feel overwhelmed and stressed.
___ I worry that I won’t be able to provide for myself.
___ I withhold my thoughts and feelings to avoid being judged or rejected.
___ I often have trouble controlling my emotions.
___ I often feel alone and unsupported in my life.
___ I always keep myself busy or with people to avoid being alone.
___ I usually avoid conflict and have difficulty expressing anger.
___ I’m constantly striving for perfection, but nothing ever feels good enough.
___ I tend to withdraw and isolate myself.
___ I believe that if I could just find my soul mate, I’d be happy and complete.
___ I’m in a relationship, but I still feel lonely.
___ I feel unclear about my own interests and passions.
If you checked one or more boxes, make 2010 the year you create a life you love!
Mastering the art of aloneness means:
Loving, trusting, and accepting yourself.
Being able to care for yourself emotionally and financially.
Expressing your true feelings, thoughts, and needs with others.
Feeling like a powerful, worthy, and deserving person.
Treating yourself with compassion, love, and respect.
Feeling whole and happy on your own or in a relationship.
Sharing healthy and supportive relationships with others.
Pursuing and achieving your own dreams and goals.
Self-mastery requires commitment, support, and practice. During this 12-session event, Lauren helps you master the art of aloneness by giving you concrete tools and skills to practice each month. Based on her Solemate book, Lauren guides you through 12 life-changing sessions that provide a clear road map for living a joyful and fulfilling life.
All sessions are from 7pm-8:30pm Eastern Time, 4pm-5:30pm Pacific Time
January 14, Session 1: Embracing Your Aloneness
Mastering the art of aloneness is about developing a strong, healthy relationship with yourself, and achieving wholeness and well-being on your own or in a relationship.
February 11, Session 2: Uncovering Your Conditioned Self
Uncover the core limiting beliefs and habitual behaviors that keep you from living the life you want.
March 11 , Session 3: Managing Fear So It Doesn’t Manage You
Discover the underlying roots of the fears that keep you stuck, and tools for overriding them.
April 8, Session 4: Living Deliberately Versus By Default
Learn about the 3 levels of creation and how to align your thoughts and actions with the results you seek.
May 13, Session 5: Reclaiming Your Innate Wholeness
Take action to reclaim your innate wholeness and become the person you were born to be.
June 10, Session 6: Becoming the Partner You Seek
Instead of expecting someone else to make you whole, become the partner you seek.
July 8, Session 7: Creating Your Life Vision
Create a life vision that inspires you, and keeps you focused on your goals and priorities.
August 12, Session 8: Building an Inner Support System
Build a strong inner support system that generates optimal health, energy, and resiliency.
September 9, Session 9: Building an Outer Support System
Build a strong outer support system that helps you achieve your life vision.
October 14, Session 10: Bringing Your Vision to Life
Develop a concrete action plan to bring your life vision to reality.
November 18, Session 11: Sustaining Your Commitment
Sustain your focus, commitment, and motivation to stay on-course and achieve your life vision.
December 9, Session 12: Your Mastering the Art of Aloneness Tool Kit
Use the practical tools you’ve learned when old patterns are triggered, or you’re faced with a life crisis or challenge.
What would you do if you knew you could not fail—if you were free from the fears, limiting beliefs, and habitual behaviors that keep you stuck? In this life-changing presentation, coach and bestselling author, Lauren Mackler, presents her groundbreaking Illumineering Coaching method that has helped thousands of people uncover the hidden drivers that keep them from living the lives to which they aspire.
Topics include:
How our life conditioning impacts our adult lives
The core beliefs, roles, and habitual behaviors of the Conditioned Self
How to reclaim our “lost parts” and innate wholeness
The hidden drivers of fear and how to override them
How to “live deliberately” and align our actions with our desired results
An old acquaintance of mine recently wrote an article about positive thinking—a subject that is often misunderstood. For many years I, like many people on the personal-development path, believed that by writing down and repeating positive affirmations (positive statements about yourself or your life, written in the present tense as if they were already true), I would think more positively and the changes I sought in myself and in my life would happen automatically. I hung them up all over my house, memorized them, and repeated them out loud, sometimes as much as a hundred times a day. But it seemed like no matter how many times I said them, the changes I hoped to achieve eluded me.
It would be nearly twenty years before I finally realized that while affirmations were helpful in clarifying what I wanted, positive action was required to achieve it. Positive action generates positive thinking, not the other way around. Positive action is a choice, one that can be challenging, especially for people who’ve experienced much suffering and pain in their lives—but it’s still a choice. For example, maybe you feel lonely and sad, but instead of isolating yourself, you do something positive like attend a cooking class, volunteer at a soup kitchen, or go out for a run—something that refocuses your thoughts and produces a more positive experience than sitting home alone eating cookies and feeling sorry for yourself.
Chronic negative thinking and the emotions it invokes is, like many destructive behaviors, a form of addiction. People become addicted to habitual, “gloom and doom” thoughts, as well as to the emotions they produce like fear and anger. It becomes their comfort zone—not very pleasant, but familiar. To break this addiction, you have to first understand its roots (nearly always found in your life conditioning), and consciously change your behaviors and actions to ones that create more positive results. Over time, you’ll build a string of positive experiences that solidifies a new internal reference point, and makes a positive mindset your new habitual way of thinking.
At the New Year, many people make resolutions for change. In fact, many of their resolutions are the same ones year after year! Yours may be to increase your income, expand your circle of friends, or find a more exciting and fulfilling career. But the foundation of achieving any type of goal is the ability to activate your potential to create the results you seek.
In my coaching practice, workshops, and trainings, I often refer to the life conditioning process, and the core beliefs and habitual behaviors we develop in response to the environment we grew up in. Although rooted in the unconscious and hidden from most people, our core beliefs drive our everyday behaviors. And while these beliefs and behaviors allowed us to adapt to and function within our families growing up, they often negate our adult lives. So identifying and shedding these core limiting beliefs and behaviors is a critical key to success.
To help you understand how your own core limiting beliefs and habitual behaviors may be sabotaging your success, I’m going to present three examples of self-defeating behavior patterns I often see in my coaching practice.
The first behavior pattern is avoidance. If you grew up in a family in which you were often criticized, you might hold a core limiting belief of I’m not good enough. Your habitual behavior might be to keep quiet—staying under the radar screen to avoid being judged. While that behavior may have helped you avoid criticism growing up, it sabotages your success as an adult. You may avoid speaking up in meetings or asking for a raise. Or you might settle for a job beneath your abilities to avoid making mistakes and being judged.
The second pattern is controlling. Do you tend to be dominating and confrontational, getting angry when you don’t get your way? Controlling behavior is usually driven by the core limiting belief that I am powerless and have no control. You may have had a controlling parent, or experienced a difficult event beyond your control such as a disruptive parental divorce. This pattern is very destructive. Controllers can have difficulty holding jobs, get passed over for promotions, alienate people, and waste a lot of energy in conflict with others.
The third pattern is approval-seeking. Do you continually put other people’s needs before your own—never saying no for fear of others’ disapproval? If you grew up in a family in which you were loved or accepted only if you did what was expected—if love was conditional—you may hold the core belief that if I meet others’ needs I’ll be loved and accepted. Approval-seekers often experience work overload, and feel unappreciated by and resentful of others.
The first step in overcoming these hidden barriers to achieving your goals involves recognizing what they are. Without judging yourself, observe how you behave in your life. When you start to recognize your behavior patterns, dig down to identify the core beliefs that drive them. Once you’ve identified your self-defeating patterns, develop and start activating the new beliefs and behaviors that support you in achieving the goals to which you aspire.
If you’re ready to achieve your New Year’s resolutions visit www.laurenmackler.com to find out how Lauren’s life, career, and executive coaching programs, workshops, and trainings can help you bring your goals to reality!
Lauren Mackler will launch her new website on Friday, December 5, 2008. The new site will feature detailed descriptions of her services, success stories from clients, and a downloadable excerpt from her forthcoming book - SOLEMATE - to be released in April of 2009.
November 26–28, 2010 - Kripalu, Lenox, MA
Many people spend years waiting for a “soul mate” to complete them. Others settle for unfulfilling relationships out of fear of being alone. This life-changing workshop lifts the social stigma of aloneness and provides a groundbreaking roadmap for gaining mastery of your own life so you can achieve a sense of wholeness and well-being on your own or in a relationship. In this powerful weekend with bestselling author, coach, and psychotherapist, Lauren Mackler, you will learn how to:
