In a recent post on social media, I gave an example of an effective response to someone’s disrespectful or unkind communication.
The response I suggested is designed to be a respectful, Adult Ego State acknowledgement of the other person’s communication, while expressing a clear boundary of no further discussion on the matter.
Someone commented with the question (and I’m paraphrasing) why we should even bother trying to offer an effective response in such situations, which prompted me to expand a bit on the topic.
Making efforts to communicate from the Adult Ego State serves us first and foremost (we walk through the world with less inner reactivity and stress, greater self-esteem, etc.). It also goes a long way in preserving and strengthening healthy relationships with people we love and care about.
I write in length about the Parent, Child, and Adult ego states in Chapter Six of my book Solemate and often teach interpersonal and emotional intelligence skills to coaching clients and groups. Effective communication is such a foundational life skill but most people never learned it.
Due to the effects of childhood wounding and less-than-ideal role models, most people habitually communicate from the Critical Parent or from the Passive/Aggressive Child ego states, both of which have a deteriorating effect on relationships.
If you want to create a major shift in your interactions and relationships with others, learn the art of effective communication.
Will you still get triggered, reactive, and unresourceful on occasion? Of course! We are all human and make mistakes. I’ve been at this for 25+ years and I still trip up from time to time. But cultivating a new habit of communicating effectively in your daily interactions is well-worth your time and effort. Not only is it a game-changer in your relationships with others, but it is a foundational skill for maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship with yourself.