Valentine’s Day, Not Just for Romance Anymore: Girls Night Ideas for February 14: Examiner.com

Read this article on Examiner.com by Jordan Salvatoriello Ahh, Valentine’s Day. It can be the bee’s knees for star-crossed sweethearts, a qualmy conundrum for the newly twitterpated, or a day of dread for the singleton Scrooge. But, be careful Miss Lonely Heart, stare long enough into that abyss and the abyss stares back at you (xoxo, Nietzsche). So trash your “anti” Valentine’s Day notions, and let Hallmark know who’s boss by seizing the holiday and making it your own. After all, there is plenty of love in your life, no? Buy your own damn box of chocolates, gather your team around you, and celebrate the annual day of love with those that have given so much of it to you.  Here are some ideas and local events to consider, so start planning now!

• Host a “self-celebration” Valentine’s Day potluck: Forgo the pity party, and celebrate yourself instead. Potlucks are easy to organize and a great way to unify a group of friends over a communal experience. “Ask each guest to bring their own favorite food dish and a wrapped gift to give to themselves,” said Lauren Mackler, author of Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life. Go on. Be good... Click here to read the entire article.

Alone on February 14?

Valentine’s Day is, for many singles, a holiday to dread instead of one to celebrate. I experienced my own loneliness on more than one Valentine’s Day. Then, several years ago, I had a revelation. I could be my own Valentine! I know, being your own Valentine might sound like a desperate attempt to soothe the sting of single life. I thought so, too—until I actually experienced it. The first year of becoming my own Valentine, I organized a dinner at a nice restaurant for a group of single men and women. On the invitation I wrote a request: “buy, have gift-wrapped, and bring to dinner a gift for yourself in recognition of the magnificent person you are.”

It was one of my favorite Valentine’s Day celebrations! We took turns opening our gifts and sharing what we admired about ourselves. Some people were moved to tears, as they realized ... Click here to read the entire article on HealYourLife.com.

Trouble Pleasing Your Partner? Lauren on QualityHealth.com

Read this article on QualityHealth.com.

Trouble Pleasing Your Partner? By Rosemary Black

It's an all-too-common scenario: A spouse feels overworked, underappreciated and overwhelmed with a job, household and kids to care for. Resentment and exhaustion take their toll, and she feels less and less like having sex. With a busy life, there just isn't time for everything, let alone having an all night lovefest.

The problem can snowball into a relationship-wrecking issue. "The wife feels bad about herself," says Lauren Mackler, psychotherapist and the author of Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life. "The man feels that he is not appreciated for what he is doing, and he just gets flack if he comes home too late or works too many hours. He feels... Click here to read entire article.

Lauren's Interview in Philadelphia Daily News

Read this article on Philadelphia Daily News. When not to go down the aisle By Jenice Armstrong

ELIZABETH and John Edwards are splitsville, while former aide Andrew Young and his wife are out promoting their new book about their dealings with the former presidential candidate.

Tiger Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren, may not be completely finished with her scandal-scarred marriage, despite all of Woods' philandering.

I tell myself not to feel silly way too much about this madness because there are things you can learn about life just by watching the foibles of the rich and famous.

Here's an example of a lesson snatched straight from the pages of Jenny Sanford's don't-let-this-happen-to-you handbook: When your instinct warns you that you're about to make a serious mistake in terms of your choice of a romantic partner, run. (It should be common sense, but judging from the divorce rate, it's not.)

The soon-to-be-ex-wife of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford got an early warning of how rocky her marriage was going to be when her soon-to-be-hubby balked over promising to be faithful during his wedding vows. That should have been clue No. 1, and Jenny Sanford should have stopped him right in his cheater-cheater tracks. But apparently she'd gotten herself all wrapped up in a white-tulle fantasy of walking down the aisle and married him anyway, making a "leap of faith" as she called it.

"It bothered me to some extent, but . . . we were very young, we were in love. I questioned it, but I got past it . . . along with other doubts that I had," Sanford told Barbara Walters in a "20/20" interview that airs Friday.

As you can attest, if you've ever sat through a wedding ceremony skeptical of the couple's long-term prospects, Jenny Sanford's blinders-on, "maybe-he'll-change-after-we're-married" response is typical. Once some people are altar-bound, get in their way and they'll plow you over faster than you can say, "I'm only looking out for what's best for you."

"Very often, what people do is they tell themselves a story and they believe what they want to believe," pointed out Lauren Mackler, author of "Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life."

"They doubt themselves and then they start telling themselves, 'I'll change him.' Or they say, 'Once we're married, I'll have him. I've just got to get that ring on my finger... Click here to read the entire article.

Why Women Stay with Cheaters: Lauren on SheKnows.com

Read this article on LifeScript.com. Why Women Stay with Cheaters By Norine Dworkin-McDaniel

Stand by your cheating man or kick him to the curb? It's not a decision any woman wants to make, but that many have after their philandering mates were caught. This Lifescript exclusive digs deep to discover why so many wives choose to stick it out. Plus, will your guy cheat? Rate the risk...

They all do it: celebrities, politicians, even the hubby next door.

Sure, the names of the cheaters change: Think John Edwards, Kobe Bryant, Mark Sanford, Bill Clinton, John Ensign.

But the story’s the same: Husband cheats, gets caught. Wife grimaces, then bears it.

In fact, up to 75% of couples rocked by an affair stay together, according to research by Peggy Vaughan, author of Preventing Affairs: You Can Have a Monogamous Marriage, But Not by Just Assuming You're Immune (Dialog Press). That so many wronged spouses managed to turn the other cheek is admirable to some. But you can’t help wondering: Why didn’t they push their wandering mates out the door?

Lifescript talked to women and experts to find out why beleaguered wives choose to stand by their men. Here’s what they told us... Click here to read the entire article.

7 Signs You're Headed for Divorce on SheKnows.com

Although being paranoid about your relationship with your husband is probably not a good thing, if the signs are there and you confront them, there's a chance you might be able to save your marriage before it's too late. So what are the signs? Read this article on SheKnows.com. They turned to experts to uncover what you should watch out for. These are the signs you might be headed for divorce. Click here to read the entire article.

How to save your marriage: Lauren on SheKnows.com

If you want your marriage to survive, effort is required on both sides. Not sure where to start? Read this article on SheKnows.com. Five relationship gurus provide five must-know tips on how to save a failing marriage. Click here to read the article.

Hay House Interview with Lauren Mackler

1. There are a multitude of self-help books that address many of the same topics as Solemate. These include books for singles, and books about how to overcome fear, live a more fulfilling life, and build self-esteem. What makes Solemate different from the rest? Many self-help books targeted to singles are “how to” books for snaring the perfect mate. They reinforce the myth that happiness is found by searching outside yourself—instead of within yourself. Other self-help books focus on overcoming low self-esteem, fear, and loneliness, but fail to address their root causes—the limiting beliefs and behaviors we learn in childhood that drive our adults lives. And, while there are a few books that espouse the message that aloneness can be a positive experience, they don’t offer a clear roadmap for how to make it a reality. Click here to read more.

Drawing from my own experiences and those of my clients, as well as the fields of psychology, physiology, sociology, holistic healing, and strategic business practices, I’ve developed a unique program that helps people move beyond the limitations that spring from their early conditioning and begin to live in alignment with what I call the “authentic self”—the person they were born to be. And, unlike other personal development books that are purely theoretical, Solemate includes quizzes, exercises, and guided journaling that help readers understand where their self-defeating patterns come from ...

The Vampire Attraction: Read Lauren's quote on Sheknows.com

By Brie Gatchalian Everyone has gone gaga for Edward Cullen. Is it the charming good looks of the Robert Pattinson, who plays the character in the hit book-turned-movie Twilight? Perhaps, but experts have another theory: the vampire attraction. Surely, you know the tale of Dracula -- even he had special powers with the ladies (and he wasn't even that cute). So maybe theorists are onto something.

So what's with the vampire attraction? Here are four reasons that may explain why women are into these dangerous men...

Unbridled Emotions

Lauren Mackler, author of international bestseller, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness and Transform Your Life, points out that vampires represent and embody the parts of people that are often submerged, especially in women, like unbridled emotion, sensuality and sexuality. From forbidden pleasures to rebellious behavior, some women can't help themselves. "In the unconscious quest for wholeness and reclamation of our ‘lost parts,' [some women] are attracted to people (vampires) who embody what we are missing,"Mackler explains. "Another driver of this attraction is women's biological imperative for men to take command of their natural male energy and power (think cavemen).”

Click here to read the entire article.

Solemate Review on SingleWomenRule.com

Finding your sole mateBy Keysha Whitaker October 26, 2009

You are your sole mate.  If you didn’t know this, you’ll quickly figure it out after reading Lauren Mackler’s book, Solemate, Master the Art of Aloneness and Transform Your Life.   Solemate is a journey that begins with deconstructing negative ideas of aloneness (many people still think alone means unhappy and unloved) and ends with mastering aloneness, which Mackler says “is about changing your habitual patterns of behavior”.  Along the way, if you’re committed, you’ll discover your authentic self, a self that does not expect a mate to complete them.

Mackler’s writing style is clear and quick.  Solemate, written for men and women, is one-part memoir, one-part clinical study, one-part self-help.  Mackler, a coach and psychotherapist, opens with the beginning - and end - of her “storybook marriage” to a successful German physician:   “It was only years later, through my personal development work, that I recognized the underlying problem: we had come together for all the wrong reasons.  We had been drawn to each other because of voids within ourselves . . .  Click here to read the entire review.

Lauren's article on Love in the Huffington Post

Carl Jung wrote that "...it is the strength of the bond to the parents that unconsciously influences the choice of husband or wife, either positively or negatively." As my own divorce drama unfolded, it became clear that there were deeper issues between my husband and me than appeared on the surface. As I explored Jung's premise that who we choose as partners is greatly influenced by our past experiences with our parents, I realized the tremendous influence our upbringing has on our adult relationships. Romantic love has been studied from several perspectives, resulting in a deeper understanding of human relationships. Three popular perspectives include the bio-logic, social-exchange, and persona theories...

Click here to read the entire article.

The best relationship ever: love yourself and be healthy - interview on Examiner.com

Eleven and a half percent of people over 15 in Florida are divorced; data released by Miami Dade County reveals that divorce rates have slightly lowered in 2009 but curiously, one recent argument to why divorce rates have declined in the United States explains that it may be because of the terrible economical situation. According to a study done by a Miami local news station, people don't want to get a divorce because of the struggles a split-up usually brings. "It is easier to stay married than to go through the difficulties of paying a lawyer, the court, and then having to divide everything you have," explains a 32 year old woman who is currently having conflicts with her husband. "We even live in the same house and sleep in separate rooms, we act like roommates." She adds. Lauren Mackler, a national known life coach, calls this one situation "extremely unhealthy", and explains that in general, divorce and separation situations will continue as long as people don't learn how to treat themselves before getting involved as she explains in her latest book "Solemate". A healthy life starts with a relationship with yourself. "Living in an unhealthy relationship is not right, but it is starts when you don't seem to know how to be alone," explains Mackler. "Having a healthy relationship with you- like Lauren with Lauren- prevents bad relationships in the future." Mackler also describes in her book Solemate how to enjoy the art of being good to you. "Treating yourself as well as you treat other people is key. People tend to treat other people much better ...  

Click here to read the entire article.

Lauren's article on Fear in The Huffington Post

Manage Fear So It Doesn't Manage You Fear is one of the biggest barriers to living a joyful and fulfilling life. If you're living life from a place of fear, you're not free to take risks or pursue your dreams. If your energy is expended in avoiding failure or rejection, then that energy is used to stay safe, instead of being available to create the life you envision.

Through evolution, we're hard-wired to respond to fear with intensity. For our evolutionary precursors, the fight-or-flight response was a valuable survival mechanism. It's not as useful when triggered by modern-day fears. In addition to affecting the autonomic nervous system, the hormone cortisol is released in higher quantities than normal. Cortisol helps the system react and normalize once the threat has passed. However, chronic stress and elevated cortisol levels have adverse effects, including impaired cognitive performance, suppressed thyroid function, blood-sugar imbalances, higher blood pressure, and increased abdominal fat. It can also compromise your immune system ... Click here to read the entire article.

Happy to be home alone: DailyMail.com

Never one to toe the line, Simon Cowell recently explained why he had separated from Terri Seymour, his girlfriend of eight years. He ‘liked her so much’, he said; they were ‘incredibly close’. He hadn’t left Terri for ‘some other girl’. For Cowell, the crux of the problem had been those unwritten rules that are part and parcel of commitment. ‘I think just the fact that we were in a relationship, with the rules that are attached to that – or what we think are rules – caused problems,’ he explained. ‘Rules equal boredom. And I don’t like that.’

Cowell has consistently stated that he doesn’t want children – and he’s also ambivalent about playing the ‘partner’. At the end of a full day, he explained, he didn’t like coming home to someone who expected to hear all about it – maybe not a surprising stance for a born bachelor with a punishing work schedule. Now single again, he doesn’t have to.

But could Cowell actually be speaking for many of us – including a sizable bulk of the single women who are generally thought to be desperate, damaged, unlucky or on hold? Are an increasing number of us actually unable – or unwilling – to adapt our lives to fit ‘the rules’?

Lauren Mackler, psychotherapist and author of Solemate, which explores the ‘art of aloneness’, certainly thinks so. ‘The pervasive mindset is that the ultimate goal, the fairy-tale ending, is a melting, a merging of you, your spouse and your home,’ she says. ‘The reality is that more than 30 per cent of households are one-person occupancies, and that figure is growing all the time. More people than ever are choosing to live alone – whether consciously or unconsciously.

‘If marriage was our top priority, we’d all be married,’ she continues. ‘Instead, a considerable number of women are choosing not to go down that path, but living all sorts of other lifestyles – single and celibate, dating, or being in a relationship but maintaining separate homes. For certain women – especially those who’ve been through a marriage and then created an ideal life on their own – a full-on relationship simply carries too much compromise.’ 

Click here to read more.

Mastering the Art of Aloneness on Huffington Post

More people are living as singles today than ever before. In the United States, there are 95.7 million single adults -- a number that represents 43 percent of all U.S. adults. Why? Not only are people marrying later, but given high divorce rates and that women outlive men by an average of seven years, it's likely that a married adult will again be single at some point in his or her life. Despite these numbers, attitudes have changed remarkably little. There's still a mindset that if you're single, there must be something wrong with you. Many people believe that marriage is the ideal lifestyle and we're barraged by messages reinforcing this notion. Movies and music tell the same story: Without love, we have nothing. It's difficult to even imagine a movie that ends with the hero living joyfully alone instead of happily-ever-after with a mate. The classic line in the film, Jerry Maguire--"You complete me" -- reinforces what many singles believe: If I could only find my soul mate, I'd be happy.

Opposites attract for the same reason that relationships fall apart. Most relationships are driven by an unconscious need to recreate or compensate for childhood experiences. Take the example of a man who grows up in a family where he's never allowed to express joy or excitement; he'll be looking for someone else to bring those expressions into his life. Or a woman who never feels safe or secure on her own... Click here to read more. 

Lauren's Interview in Parade.com

Click here to read my advice on staying healthy during your job hunt.

Loving Your Solo Status: Interview on Divine.ca

Being single isn’t always easy and sometimes has its less-fun moments. But embracing the positive aspects of being alone is imperative for a happier you. We spoke with Lauren Mackler, author of Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life, for steps on how to love yourself before anyone else.

Do an honest assessment of yourself. Mackler admits:“It’s painful to look at part of ourselves that aren’t working well.” However, it’s important to look at yourself and take stock of your life, from whether you are expressing all parts of yourself, to differentiating the relationships you want to have from the ones you actually have.

Take note of patterns that are holding you back. This is a matter of connecting the dots, looking into people as well as personal behaviours that may be hindering your chance at growth. One example that Mackler provides is that if ever you felt misunderstood growing up, you’re likely replicating ... Click here to read the entire interview.

Lauren on VoiceAmerica: The Kathryn Zox Show

Listen to my interview on VoiceAmerica: The Kathryn Zox Show. Click here to listen.

Being Alone with Lauren Mackler: Life Tips Radio

Lauren Mackler, author of the new book, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness and Transform Your Life is not about finding your soulmate. Its about being whole, complete and experiencing joy regardless of being single or in a relationship. Lauren provides listeners with refreshing information on how to develop the life skills needed to live a full and gratifying life, regardless of being single or in a relationship. Click here to listen.

Spotlight Interviews on SingleEdition.com

Q: Where are you from?I grew up in the old whaling city of New Bedford, Massachusetts but left home at 14. I struggled through school and moved to Los Angeles at 17 to pursue a singing career. At 23 I married and later moved to Europe, where my former husband is from. I returned to the Boston area in 1995, following the end of my marriage.    Q: What's the biggest accomplishment you achieved on your own? Raising my two amazing children. My daughter is 25 and works for a non-profit in the environmental sustainability field. My son is 23, and lives in Japan teaching English. He’ll be coming back next year to go to Harvard Law School and wants to work in the public sector. Both are incredibly loving, compassionate, and successful young adults, committed to doing good work in the world. As you can tell, I’m very proud of them!   Q: What inspired you to write your book, “Solemate?”    Because I had built my life, career, financial security, and emotional well-being on my husband and his life—I moved to his country, worked as a therapist in his business, and let him handle all our finances—my life, career, security, and self-esteem collapsed along with the marriage. After hitting bottom, I sold everything I owned to pay for flight tickets, and the children and I returned to the U.S. in 1995... Read the entire interview on SingleEdition.com.