Valentine’s Day is, for many singles (and conflict-ridden couples), a holiday to dread instead of one to celebrate. I experienced my own loneliness on more than one Valentine’s Day, even in my marriage. Then, when I was in my thirties, I had a revelation. I could be my own Valentine!
I know, being your own Valentine might sound like a desperate attempt to soothe the sting of single life or an unhappy partnership. I thought so, too—until I actually experienced it. The first year of becoming my own Valentine happened to be the year my divorce became final. I organized a dinner at a nice restaurant for a group consisting of singles and couples. On the invitation I wrote a request: “buy, have gift-wrapped, and bring to dinner a gift for yourself in recognition of the magnificent person you are.”
It was one of my favorite Valentine’s Day celebrations! We took turns opening our gifts and sharing what we valued and respected about ourselves. Some people were moved to tears, as they realized how often they were self-critical instead of being self-supportive.
Since then I’ve celebrated myself every Valentine’s Day, regardless of my relationship status. I do something special like get a massage, take a day trip, or buy myself something special. Last year I ordered and had delivered a dozen, long-stemmed roses in a box, with a card to myself that said, “I admire the resilient and loving woman you are.” For the next couple of weeks I felt infused with joy each time I looked at the beautiful roses on my table and the card hung on my refrigerator.
Whether you're in a relationship or single, below are more ways to be your own cherished Valentine—which will build self-esteem and a more loving relationship with yourself.
Plan a “Self-Celebration” Valentine’s Day pot-luck party. Ask each guest to bring their own favorite food dish and a wrapped gift to give to themselves.
Order in a delicious meal, put on your pajamas, and hunker down with a great book or movie. Some of my favorite Valentine’s Day movies are Mermaids, The Associate, and My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
Treat a friend or family member to an evening out. Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to return a kindness or reconnect with someone you haven’t seen in a while.
Organize a group event that includes something fun like karaoke, bowling, seeing a play, or listening to live music.
Spend the day volunteering. Helping others is gratifying and makes you feel good about yourself. To find opportunities in your city, visit the Single Volunteers web site at www.singlevolunteers.org.
Attend a social event. If you don’t know of any in your area, do a Google search with the words, “Events Valentine's Day <your city>”. Then click on the links to find an event that sounds appealing.
Ask yourself what you would like, then commit to giving it to yourself. And remember, you always have a choice. You can either spend Valentine’s Day feeling sad or resentful, or you can do something that uplifts, nurtures, or delights you.
For more tips, watch my YouTube video, Become the Partner You Seek. To view, click here.