Patti Scialfi, a recording artist in her own right, has been married to Bruce Springsteen since 1991. They have three children together. Some time ago, she was interviewed on the radio about her new CD, and my ears perked up when I heard what she had to say about her marriage. “You know, I was a child of the ’50s,” she told interviewer Liane Hansen of NPR. “There was the idea that love is a simplistic promise of completion . . . that you’re going to find the missing half, your lost twin, your soul mate. I don’t think that you can look for something external to really complete you that way.” She went on to say that her marriage had broadened her and given her a sense of fulfillment, but, she added, “You can’t really look for that. And if you’re looking for that, you’re going to be disappointed.”

Despite two years of therapy and a high degree of professional success, a client came to me several years ago seeking help with a problem I’ve seen many times in my coaching practice. “Nate” was plagued by feelings of low self-esteem, unworthiness, and never being good enough. Although he hid it well, the energy it took to maintain the image of someone who had it all together was exhausting him. He was also afraid that others would see through his façade and find out that he was really a fraud. Not only was this causing him a lot of stress at work, his insecurities were having a negative impact on his marriage, as he was often withdrawn and distant with his spouse.

Many people don’t treat themselves very well. They break promises to themselves, eat poorly, don’t get enough sleep, are self-critical or fail to take good care of their bodies. In fact, if most people treated others the way they treat themselves, they wouldn’t have many friends!

Many people fail to achieve their goals because they never learned the skills that produce success. No one ever taught them how to set clear goals, create effective action plans, or sustain their motivation.

Whether you want to become a better leader, create a more fulfilling career, or bring greater balance into your life, there are three keys to achieving any type of goal: focus, strategy, and commitment.

Self-empowerment can defined in many different ways. I define it as knowing who you really are—your strengths and limitations, your interests and passions, and your goals and life purpose—and living a life that honors who you really are. This not only empowers you, but makes you a powerful force out in the world.

Feeling stuck or unable to accomplish your goals? Change can be difficult, and many people lose motivation to achieve their goals. When you slip up, just think of it as course-correcting. Welcome the challenge—it means that you’re taking charge of your life. Don’t judge yourself. Instead, treat yourself with compassion, and determine what’s needed to get back on course.

Below is a question a client recently asked me during a coaching session. Since so many people struggle with setting boundaries, I thought I'd share the question and my suggestions.

Q: I often find myself torn between wanting to be a supportive and good friend, parent, and co-worker by helping others with things that they need, and getting things done for which I'm responsible at home and at work. If I say no to someone in need I feel guilty, but saying yes all the time makes my life very stressful and exhausting. I also don't want to hurt people's feelings or have them think I'm unsupportive. How do I say no and maintain good relationships with people I care about?